Butterfly

About a month ago, about the time that I learned a new opportunity was waiting for me, I was reading a spiritual woo-woo book about manifestation. It all makes sense, I think that’s why I like it.

Live in good energy and you will attract good energy.

Be in alignment with the life you want.

The universe gives us signs - little synchronicities - to help guide us.

It all sounds good to me, I want to believe it. I ask the universe, out loud, to give me a sign. A sign that I am on the right path. Not only that, I want to know within 48 hours. And I want to know by seeing a butterfly, a symbol of transformation.

These are the directions I read in the book and I followed them to a T. I asked for a sign. I specified what I needed that sign to look like. I suggested a timeframe.

Those 48 hours came and went without a sign No butterfly. I honestly felt sort of disappointed. I wondered what a lack of a sign means. And I thought about how it was like an exercise I learned recently - yes or not yes. Not ‘no’…but not ‘yes’ either. It’s like a maybe, which can go lots of different ways.

Maybe soon.

Maybe not now.

Maybe we need more information.

Maybe yes.

Maybe no.

Maybe.

I thought maybe, just maybe, the lack of a butterfly sighting was a maybe. Am I on the right path? Not yes. But not no, either.

And I talked to my therapist about it. Not the question I asked of the universe. And not the lack of a sign from the universe. But about what was happening - this new opportunity - and what it means for me. What it means to walk away from something and what it means to walk towards something new, something unknown. What it feels like to walk away from a thing that was no longer serving me. And how to see it that way, rather than walking away from something with anger and resentment.

I realized I don’t have to feel angry or resentful. I learned a lot of things. About myself and how I want to show up in this world. About what’s important to me. About how I want to be treated. About how I want to treat myself.

I made new connections, new friends. I learned how to do new things. I did some hard things. I grew.

And now, a month later, I’ve walked away from the thing that no longer serves me. And I am walking towards a new opportunity. I’m a little wiser. A bit stronger. A lot myself. I can honestly say that I am proud of the way I’ve moved through the last thirty days. I’m proud of myself.

Today, on my walk, I was enjoying the fresh air and a little time away from the house, I saw a butterfly. A beautiful black and white and orange butterfly, fly over and around where I was walking, and then away towards the nearby flowers.