The Sun Came Out
I’ve been wallowing a lot lately. I am struggling with my job. Company morale is in the sewer. Getting up in the morning is the hardest part of my day. As the sun rises each morning, I open my eyes and think, Fuck, I gotta do this…again.
I daydream about calling in sick. I’ll make coffee, walk my daughter to school, and come home to an empty house. I’ll take my dog for a long walk, before coming home for a homemade matcha and breakfast. After, I might binge some episodes of Beef. I might read. I might go out to lunch. I might test out some recipes I’ve been wanting to try. I might go shopping…all by myself.
I live an entire day of what I’d love to be doing, before I ultimately get out of bed.
I do this every. single. day. It’s exhausting and depressing and I have no energy. For anything. Anyone. Nothing, none.
But this last weekend, the sun was out.
After months and months of rain and clouds and more rain, and flooding and destruction, and more rain…the sun came out. It was glorious. I ended up having a wonderful, cup-filling weekend. These are the things I’m grateful for:
My niece’s family birthday party. Everyone chipping in to help with the birthday dinner. Frosting the rainbow (so joyful!) cake. A crazy delicious nacho bar. Plenty of non-alcoholic beverage options. Good conversation. Time with my parents. Seeing my daughter and her cousin spend hours playing Hide & Seek. Cuddling kittens.
Navigating an uncomfortable conversation with an open-mind. Acknowledging we are on the same team. We all make mistakes. A long walk with my dog. Chatting with my mom. A ‘hello’ from an old friend. Living in a neighborhood where kids come in and out the front door.
Seeing a friend I haven’t seen in a while. Sleeping in. A leisurely start to the day. Getting my exercise in at the start of my day. A three mile loop and 10,000 steps. A warm enough day to sit on the deck, no sweatshirt required, to cool down with a Calm Moment
My sister taking my daughter to the movies. An hour and a half to myself. A healthy haul from Whole Foods to start some better habits. An hour and a half to myself. Enough time to prep a new recipe for dinner. An hour and a half to myself.
Afternoon hot tub with A. No phones, no distractions. Sun starting to go down. Quiet conversation. Dinner cooking. D playing with her legos. Laundry done and put away. Beds made and house vacuumed. Dishes washed and put away. Just peaceful being. Together.
Today, I’m grateful the sun came out for the weekend. I’m planning to carry it with me into the week.
