Gratitude

I drank my face off on Thanksgiving and woke up feeling…not my best.

I consumed glasses and glasses of sparkling apple cider. Some glasses mixed with sparkling water. Some glasses mixed with other juices or flavors. But I did not drink a drop of alcohol and I feel tremendous gratitude for that today.

Alcohol, for me, is a slippery slope. I love bubbles. I love a real Champagne - from Champagne. I love the bubbles and the color and the flutes. I love the effervessence. I love the slight lightheadedness, letting go, my mood magically uplifting as if bubbling up with the bubbles in my glass. That first moment - the sip that takes me out of me head and into the present - I crave that. And I find myself continuing to go back, again and again, to keep the feeling alive in my body.

The problem is, I usually overdo it. I drink too much and find myself very much out of the moment, and not paying attention to how I feel, the details of the conversation or the little bits of joy that come when you’re living in the present. I wake up with a hangover, declare I’ll never drink again and then find myself consumed with shame the next time I make the exact same choices.

It’s not productive. I continue to find myself in the same shame spiral, again and again. And my general approach to alcohol is generally not working.

So last night, I decided to drink whatever and whenever I wanted - so long as it didn’t contain alcohol.

And today I am so proud of myself. I stayed up too late, I woke up too early and yet I still feel 1000% better than if I had drank booze. I can make my daughter breakfast. I can decorate the house. I can make plans with friends. I can exercise. I can meditate and do some early Christmas shopping and enjoy time with my family.

I am so grateful that I listened to my body and followed its lead.

Here’s to a new chapter in my life. One of clear-minded, level-headed, in-the-moment presence and awe. I hope I will find joy here, too.